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Monday, August 07, 2006

the wall

THE WALL
The wall is all I see,
all I want to see.
I close my eyes and try to breath.
I can't,
I am suffocating, I am frozen.
Why?
What is going on?
I can't move.
I am stuck.
I am held under him.
Touching.
He won't stop touching.
Stop. Please. STOP!
I don't want to.
Why won't he get off.
What's wrong with him.
The wall.
Look at it.
Forget here and now.
The wall is strong.
It can't hurt you.
Leave here.
Can't,
He is touching me.
Feeling me.
Kissing me.
His breath on my neck.
He won't stop.
Please?
Forget it.
Don't feel.
Don't think.
Don't move.
If you move, he might do more.
If you move, he might think you are someone else.
No he won't.
He knows who I am.
I am his sister.
I didn't want to sleep here anyway.
Why'd he wake me.
What did I do.
Can she hear?
I wish she would.
Then maybe he would stop.
Probably not.
The wall.
Remember the wall.
Don't cry.
Don't let him know you are awake.
It will all stop eventually.
Really, just don't cry.
10 Minutes, 20, 30.
Please stop soon.
Dont' touch me there.
Don't ever touch me there.
You can't.
You are my brother.
That's not allowed.
Stop Touching me.
Don't Kiss me, no not my neck.
Don't feel me.
Don't hold me down.
Stop! Now!
40 minutes.
It's never going to be over.
Never.
Don't move a muscle.
He can't know you are awake.
The wall.
focus on the wall.
Drift away from here.
Now look, now that you aren't there.
Look at what he is doing to you.
Pushing you down.
Holding you down.
Touching you,
Your shirt is up.
Underwear down.
Touching, feeling, holding, grabbing, kissing.
Look at what he's doing to me?
I don't think so.
What about what I am doing.
I am sleeping there.
In his bed.
Like that,
It's not him, It's me.
Just a shirt and underwear?
No pants?
It's my fault he is like this.
Not his. I egged him on.
I was dressed skimpily.
I was in his bed.
So what if he wants to play.
I am 9.
I am too old to sleep in his bed.
I should have slept on the floor.
I deserved this.
I wanted it.
If I didnt', then why aren't I stopping him?
Look, I am not moving. I am not doing anything.
I am just there.
I am here. feeling him.
Make it stop.
45 minutes. done?
He's stopped and gone.
The Wall.
look at it.

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