A thought of suicide

Nothing seems to make me happy anymore
this colorful world turned into a colorless bore
the things I loved, a fools devotion
so I sit stagnant with no motion
since the world fucked with my head
the only thing left is to ask when I'm dead
but a thrill sparks my interest inside
a glint, the thought of suicide
the biggest thrill in my whole life
to see how far I could drive the knife
without striking my bitter soul
letting life bleed out the new hole
my heart races
a rush of speed to see how long I’d let it bleed
would this be it my last high?
But I’m not sure I wanted to die