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Friday, July 14, 2006

Wanting daddy gone

Wanting Daddy Gone
You're my father
I'm your daughter
You should care about me
You should be able to see
Oh, Mother
Will you help me?
Please Father?
I know you seen
You came into my room
And he said I didn't feel well
You asked me what was wrong
But I cannot tell
I feel so confused
There's so much pain
The tears I'm crying
Pour down like rain
I twist and whine
I scream and cry
You ask what's the matter
There's so much hurt inside
And I want daddy
Out of my life
But I can't tell you Mother
All these things I feel
So instead I cry
And say I don't feel well
One day I remember
You said to me
That daddy angers you too
And you want him to leave
But that you have to stay together
For the boys and for me
I want him gone
Why can't you see
The scars on my body
Are from the pain he inflicts
He creates the pain
I draw the blood
With the tear stains on my face
I want to leave this place
Every night I want to say
What's in my heart
But I love you too much, Mother
To express all my hurt
When I look in the mirror
I have to remind me
That this is not my fault
And to go on living
But it's so tempting
With the past that I've had
Not to just turn around
And go back
So, daddy, curse some more
Say more bad and hateful words
You make me feel like I am nothing
You knew and said nothing!
You seen and did nothing!
I'm fucked up inside!
And my life's a mess
I'm starting to really hate my life
I'm so depressed
Oh, Mother, are these screams loud enough to hear?
Are these tears real enough for you
Can you feel my pain?
Do you understand
When I say I don't feel well
Do you hear what I do not say, what I really feel?
I wish I could just say it all
And tell you everything
But instead I bottle it up
And let it go by crying
Its your love and confusion
Of what's going on in me
I think it's helping
Mother, you wonder where I pick up this crap
Of cussing and drinking, all my bad habits
Hmm, maybe cause daddy doesn't work like you
And stays at home with nothing to do
But watch TV while I cook and clean
Feed him pills to keep him alive
When all I want
Is to wrap my hands around his throat and squeeze
You ask me why I can't stay home more
Can't keep up with school and home?
Cause I hate it here!
Don't you see my tears?
I wanna leave, to runaway
Can't talk to God anymore and no one in this home
Everyone's too busy to listen
Or even see what's happening to me
So this,
This is my new life
Empty and black inside
I feel like I'm running out of time
I write and I write trying to expel the pain
Hoping the paper can take it away
Cause that's the only way to escape the hurt
That doesn't involve cutting myself
And sometimes it even starts to help
But then its back home
Put up the walls
That I've grown
Go to my room and cry
Unleash my misery that's been kept inside
And fall asleep in my bed
With lost memories in my head
And will awake to a new day
With everything else swept away
Into the past
Come and gone
I'll try to move on
Just remember
I'm not all that strong

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