the things that follow

The Things that Follow
it's more than the act
it's the lifestyle that follows
knowing you broke down
in the worst way
at the most inopportune time
it's a parasite
slowly eating you out
it's the sledgehammer memory
pounding your skull
every time you close your eyes
it's a thought never said
a heart always broken
it's the smudge on your clothes
the wrinkles
that separate you from all
the other straight-starched people
it's a disability
to which others sympathize
yet no one
it seems
can empathize with
it's a stunt in your growth
it's the glass wall
you subconsciously build
between you and those
who said they would be there
and weren't that one time
it's the slur in your speech
that everyone senses
but can't quite detect
it's resistance to love
it's blame
it's that time of excruciating pain
between feeling sick
and actually throwing up
it's those days when you want to just hide
forever
it's a constant cold
it's covering your head with shame
it's living as a statistic
it's was drives you
to residing to an easy escape
it's when living turns to surviving