On the Outside

On the outside
I look controlled, I look safe
But enter my mind and prepare to be lost.
In hate,
In anger,
In envy,
The cigarettes calm me
The pills control me, for awhile.
The hate rises,
The anger overcomes me
I’m use to this feeling by now
In a way it is my friend.
But run, run while you can.
I can’t stop myself.
What the fuck have I done?
Pick your fights, choose your battles
But they find me, they hunt me down
What am I to do?
I’m in constant search of help
The tears start
The blood flows
I’m losing control
Save me from myself
I see the dark sky turn into light
But its not real, it never is.
It’s just an illusion,
A twisted joke I play on myself.
Now I’m alone shivering in the corner,
Cold.
You can see the terror, the fright
You know this could be my last night.
Thank you for showing me the meaning of cruelty
Good bye everyone.
You all know my name
But you never knew me
Soon, very soon I will be free