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Friday, June 09, 2006

The Game

I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to.
"Sis?"
go away. go away. go away. go away. go away.
"Where are you, sis?"
I’m hiding and you wont find me. wont. wont. wont.
"I know you're here somewhere."
Just go away. leave me alone.
"Ah, there you are."
Oh no not now. I don't want to now. I don't want to. I don't want to.
"You know I only want to love you Sis."
Why am I shaking my head, I shouldn’t shake my head.
"I know you like to feel good, sis."
But its wrong. it hurts. I know its wrong.
"There, doesn't that feel good?"
no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no.
"You were a good girl today. Lets go to the park."
I don't want to go there, I want you to go away.
"Now remember not to tell mommy. She might die if she gets upset. And you know better than to tell Daddy, you'll get another spanking"
Yes she did.
"So remember, just between us."
Just between us.
"That's a good girl."
Sis watches him leave. She is crying. He was wrong, it didn't feel good, it HURT, but she could never say anything, only nod. And she always cried when he left. He was right about mommy, though. Mommy didn't believe her when she told. Telling lies make Mommy feel bad. Mommy's cancer could come back and kill her. She doesn't want Mommy to hurt and she don't want Daddy to spank her again and tell her she's a bad girl. Silently she pulls her panties up and crawls under the covers and holds tightly to her baby doll still sucking her thumb, still crying. She wants to die. She wishes she was never born. She wants everything to go away.Her 5th birthday is tomorrow and she knows it won't get any better.

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